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Christ-what-a-mess

Well ho ho my little Platypie…tiss the season, and excuse me for complaining but where the fuck is all the snow? I left Toronto after 25 years and thought my long string of gray gloomy xmass’es was over. I know, it’s what you make of it, it’s about giving, love….ya…I get it, but once again, where is the snow? You have no idea how much I miss it! Maybe it’s a northern Ontario thing but I really like a bit of white on my Noel. Don’t worry I’m not getting all Arian on your ass, even if my husband is German, by the way, they didn’t actually lose the war….just ask them. I just want to feel that lovely cold, that freeze your nose hair cold, that tuck in your testicles cold, ok ladies, tuck in your tits. I love that feeling of coming in from a cold winter night and knowing I can be warm, I can choose to be warm, and make it so. I have many memories of cold Kapuskasing nights, the cracking of the houses at 50 below, the blueish glow of a christmas night. Going to midnight mass and freezing in dress pants. I remember digging tunnels in snow banks twenty feet high, cross-country skiing drunk…with my dog, or least I think she was there. I remember being hypnotized while lying down in my ski do suit staring up while huge snow flakes fell from the sky. I remember snow….and I miss it.

So, well, here we are, a green Christmas, all warm and wet…muddy….ho ho ho.